You know how factories have those signs that proclaim how many days they have worked without an accident?
I just spent thirty minutes digging through the Internet looking for a sign that would allow us to proudly boast how many days we have been without emotional breakdown. We think it would be good to take note of the days where neither of us cry while using our apple peeler. I couldn’t even find a sign, though you would be surprised what you find if you Google “days without emotional breakdown sign.”
If only I had a storefront, I would place mine proudly in the window right next to the Open/Closed sign. Hi – We are open and we have been 14 days without emotional incident. (I kid – I doubt we ever go 14 days in a row).
That said, if we could find a fancy commercial apple peeler, we might NOT even need the sign. This is what we use currently to peel apples:
It works perfectly if your apple is perfect. For less than perfect apples, this contraption will cause the apple to either a) fall apart, b) leave huge chunks of peel still on the apple, or c) both a and b.
And then look what I just found on Google: http://www.charliesmachineandsupply.com/catalog/applemachine.shtml. This machine will peel, core, and slice up to 12 apples a minute! They even have a YouTube video demonstration that I watched with rapt attention usually reserved for Mad Men and Downton Abbey http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5Ke6iAvZsU). I was MESMERIZED. I immediately emailed the company and basically sounded as desperate as anyone sending an email at 11:15 pm on the day after Christmas might sound. I may or may not have lead with “HI. I NEED THIS MACHINE. I WILL DRIVE THERE TOMORROW IF YOU HAVE ONE.”
Ok, so I wasn’t that bad. I didn’t actually volunteer to drive there, but I might if I can save on shipping. What worries me is that the website doesn’t list a price and that is never good. Now that I’ve watched the video and fantasized about 12 apples a minute, I’ll probably get an email back that directs me send a cashier’s check for $35,012.66 and my employees (meaning, me and Jeanne) need to attend a 40 training course and then present that information to the City of Columbia for some sort of special use apple peeling permit. And if I do all that, it could be mine in 8 to 12 weeks. Plus permit processing time.
This machine gives me hope. That is possibly the most pathetic – and most true – statement I’ve ever typed. Let’s hope they email me back and I’m not the subject of some cruel apple peeling Internet hoax…